Lost In Beauty-

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

To all of u who read this post..i think u all might think i'm emo..actually..i am..n i'm about to be drive crazy till i'll 1 day commit suicide..bliv me..is true..n to those who know me..i'm sry to make u all help me..to make my day happier from my emo-ness..but so sry..

this is my pain..

14th May..he broke up wit me..which is the time tat i loved him most deeply..but he wouldn't know..now i'm telling..when the laste bell rang..i hug my frens n cried out loud..i cry n cry n cry..till i even wet my pillow wit my own tears n slept..b4 i sleep..he told me.."eventhough we cant be lovers..we still can be frens"..i ignore tat msg n kept crying and i kept thinking bout tat 17th may will be 6th month wit him..but coz i cant get it of my mind..so i kept on crying..and i saw the tortuise he gave me as my bday present..when he gave it to me he said "if u're moody or sad..juz look at this tortuise.."..but..whenever i look at it..my tears will rapidly flow out..n it is uncontrolable..

15th May..i went school wit a hell of a moody mood..which i nvr eat b4 coming to school..my eyes is so dry..tat it really hurt..n sometimes my tears even flow down without me knowing..n i cant stop it..all i can do is hide it..it really do hurt..my heart was really tore apart..my fren..kept on take time n help me..n kept telling me he'll giv me a 2nd chance..but..all i think is "if i could get a 2nd chance..i will nvr do the same mistake..but..i bet he wont giv me a 2nd chance.."..and so on my tears flowed out agn..lil by lil..i hav a fren she told me.."if u had a 2nd chance..i think u would do better..n i will support u.."..i love her alot as a best fren (jie yinn)..she gav me lots of advice..on if i had 1more chance..but i dun think i will hav..i really love him alot..i really miss him alot..i really wan him badly back..becoz of him i cried almost once per hr in class n every second in the night..i tried to killed myself..but he did msn to me n told me not to do stupid stuff..but..i hav no choice anymore..if i cannot take it anymore..i might do it..coz..if i end my life..i wont be a burden to him no more..n he could love other gurls as he like..n not wrying bout me..and so..i decided to do it..if i could not do my best to be wit him again..after my tuition ..which is 10.30..he smsed me..n say "r u ok?these few day i saw u keep crying nia..try tok on9 ba"

16th may..(today)..i went to cc wit jean..n i saw him there..he nvr tok to me..we went summit wit joshua kai ning jean n him..he nvr tok to me still..then we walk to U6 padang..n they hav their tok..n i'm as lonely as ever staying in my own place..entertaining myself..n yet i do also cry la(of coz)..after tat my fren justin called him to hav a short tok wit me..bliv me is really short..he tok me.."wat u wan me to do..?"..i ans.."i dunno.."..i asked him back.."then wat wan from me??"he ans.."as long as u dun do stupid stuff can ad.."..then i say "even i do stupid stuff..also none of ur concern le.." he say " of coz it does..later got anything..they all blame me.." he continue "i gtg le..late ad..bb"..then i cry agn..this time..my tears flow rapidly..agn..i dun think i can hold much longer...i really is veli sad..moodless..and i know alot of his fren dun like me..n they will do anything to make me stay away from me..and i think jean is one of em..i can feel tat she hates me too..there is onli a few of frens i hav now..

now..even i write this post i also can cry..coz..i really do love him deeply..but i know n i can be sure tat 101% he wont accept me back ad..

i hope tat u broke up wit me is coz of other things..i hope it will not becoz of u dun wan hurt me no more onli break up wit me..now..tat u break up wit me..this is the greatest hurt tat i can ever receive from u..n i think u're the onli one tat can bandage my wound..

i'm sry tat i wasted lots of ur money or i blame u on anything or i hurt u n tok back to u..i'm so sry..i hope u will forgiv me n giv me a 2nd chance..i really love u..n i will remain tat way..i'll love u till the day tat my life ends..and..i'll carry this love to heaven/hell..i will change my attidute towards u..i'll correct all my mistake..i'm so sry..pls..come back to me..i beg of u..

time heals every wound..but a deep cut of wound might not heal in 1-2 days..it might take 1-2years to heal..maybe..it cant even heal..

the beauty exposed ;